Today is the last day of my 54th year of life. I think, rather thought, I had always lived a life full of intensity and passion. But, this past year, well let’s just say, living was redefined. And yes, life was certainly reframed in the number of tears shed. And thus, I found my inner strength and core sense of spirit.
I have been “strong” for as long as I can remember. In fact I was everyone’s go to for the ultimate shoulder to lean on. I have always been that can do gal. Throughout life, I have been called a crier, you know the one that tears up at TV commercials. But, this past year, tears flow even more freely. I am not certain if they are the ones stored up or the recent losses that are just too significant to completely accept, but I cry often.
The lessons I have learned through these tears are invaluable. I find myself grateful for this new sense of life I have. Some would say, this was a terrible year for myself and my family. Losing Mom after helping her in her daily battle with cancer(tears), followed by losing two uncles(more tears), friends that came and stayed and some that just disappeared(more tears), and watching my Father struggle each day(huge tears) is a lot to accept in a year. Or was it exactly what I needed to learn to live in the moment? I suspect this past year was just that, I learned the value of really LIVING each moment, including the moments of death.
Today, I am convinced, tears are the reflection of the inner pond we all are born with, full of life and growth. My pond today is one of reflection and the pools of tears that fill it are precious. Those tears of pain, always became tears of joy as I gained clarity. Clarity on who really does care and show it, no matter how hard. Clarity on how time can be spent where the words match the actions. Clarity on there is a time for work, play and FAMILY first. Clarity on love in the moment as a guiding principal, even when my tears of anger, joy, pain, frustration or confusion cloud the waters for myself or those around me. I do know today, who will be by my side through it all. Together we get through it all.
So I pray for another year of life and wish myself a happy 55th year, full of moments of clarity, pain, joy and life. Life with those that love to share tears. Key word for 55……..share! I hope to spend far more time this year sharing in work that matters, travel that expands my scope of friends and family and certainly to be an ever present friend and family member to those that accept tears as a way of life.